Up until the age of 26 I never thought much of marriage. Just like Allison (see her Decision to Skip the Wedding) it wasn’t high on my life to-do list. I was never even sure I wanted to get married. I always planned on living my life with Brandon, that was never a question, so the whole wedding/marriage thing never really excited me, I guess.
However something eventually changed, Brandon proposed and we got married. We had been living together for 7 years at that point, I had known him since I was 14 years old and I assumed getting married wouldn’t really change anything. I went into marriage thinking it would be exactly how life was prior to getting married, but that wasn’t really the case. Our relationship changed after marriage, not in a bad way by any means, but just in ways we didn’t really think about much prior to.
5 Ways Our Relationship Changed After Marriage
1. Fights Became A LOT More Real
Even though we’ve been together forever and have had our (more than) fair share of fights, fighting after marriage is a whole new ball game. You can’t break up, so you’re mind set has to be “how do we make this work” rather than “is this going to work”. As we get more into our marriage I think we are learning more about what is really worth a fight and what’s not. Nothing is simple anymore, it’s real. The consequences of a disagreement are far worse and a lot harder than just breaking up and moving on.
2. We Realized We Were Stuck Together
This may seem like an obvious way our relationship changed after marriage, but it’s one of those “Ah Ha” moments when we first realized it. Brandon and I have this little joke (people get weirded out by this so I have to clarify that it is a JOKE) where when one of us is being annoying we always say “I’ll break up with you”. Even though it’s a joke, after getting married, we both were like, “wait, that doesn’t work anymore”. It’s a crazy yet wonderful feeling.
3. We Learned That Communication Really Is Key
People always say this, but after getting married it becomes so real. Fighting is different (see above) than when you are just dating. Brandon and I have and always have had a horrible habit of not talking to each other when we get in fights. We’ve recognized this problem and we are working on it. Not talking is the absolute worst. Not only does it just escalate the issue, but we are also losing precious time with each other. Plus one of the BEST things about being married is having someone to share everything with and when we’re not talking to each other that is ruined. So communicate. Always.
4. Money. Just Money.
Brandon and I both have very different views on money and this was one major way our relationship changed after marriage. Of all the years we’ve been together and lived together we never shared a bank account. I always thought couples shared everything when they got married, especially money. Automatically. But for us that would never work. We do have a shared account, but we also keep our own separate. It works for us, but changing my mind set about sharing was a little rough at first. It’s been something we’ve really had to be aware of and there have been plenty of compromises around the subject. It’s scary to talk about, but again, communication 😉
5. The Main Topic of Discussion Changed
Conversations no longer revolve around marriage. It’s all about having kids and building a family. Sure, we talked about this prior to getting married, but now it’s something we are constantly thinking about and constantly being asked about. It’s still a weird topic for us and one that doesn’t seem possible/real, but it most definitely is.
Even though we’d been living together and spending all our time together long before we got married, our relationship changed after marriage. As I mentioned above, I don’t think any of these changes negatively affected our relationship. In fact, they’ve made us stronger, more aware and more mature in the relationship.
When people talk about marriage as being hard, they are not kidding. It’s work. But it’s all worth something. Relationships are a learning process and I have no doubt we will face many other changes throughout our time together.