Following up from Shannon’s post, I’m Scared To Have Kids & Here’s Why, having children is something that is on my mind a lot these days. Shannon and I have shared the same idea about having kids since we were little kids. She would always say “I’m not having kids until I’m 40”. I would always follow that up with “I’m not having kids until I’m in my 30’s”. We knew, even at 12 years old, that having kids was a big deal.
I’ve been with my fiancé for 15 years but I’ve waited to have kids.
Although Matt and I have also waited to get married, we have also waited to have kids. I have been around a lot of kids in my life. When I was 18 years old, I nannied my newborn cousin until she was 2 years old. I have 2 nieces that I have been very involved in their lives the last 5 years. My friends have children. I am no stranger to kids. I understand the impact that children can have on your lives and the impact adults can have on children lives.
Do we have enough time?
Matt and I have always bounced around the idea of having kids. We want kids. But we also know how much time children require. I am 31 years old and I know that my biological clock is clicking. I know that women can have children past the age of 35 but the chances of everything going “ok” starts to rapidly decrease. Even if I started now, I wouldn’t birth a child until I was 32+ years old. Matt and I want more than 1 child so we have a 3 year window to have the amount of children we want. That is so scary to me! Having 2 or 3 children in 3 years or less…yikes!! We are fighting time at this point!
Not only are we fighting my biological clock but we are also fighting to have enough time. I’ve never felt like both Matt and I have had enough time for kids. Either I’ve had a really busy job or he’s had a really busy job. With the job Matt has now, essentially I would be a single parent. He travels a lot, works crazy hours and is constantly working when he is home. To knowingly bring a child into this world I don’t think it would be fair to him, myself or that child.
Have we accomplished everything?
I have been scared that if I don’t accomplish certain things before having children that they won’t happen. People always say to us “you wouldn’t be doing that if you had kids” or “just wait until you have kids”. Those comments scare me! Do we have to accomplish everything we want in life before kids? Are we going to be held prisoner by our own children? I definitely don’t want my life to stop because we decided to have children.
For example, traveling is important to me. I want to make sure that I’ve been everywhere that I’ve wanted to visit before having kids. This year, I’ve finally realized that I need to get out of this mindset. Matt and I can still travel with kids. If traveling is something that is that important to us, we will find a way to make it work. We can still accomplish everything on our list even after having kids. We can still have dreams with children in our lives.
Is my body ready?
I want to lose 15 pounds! That is something I’ve said my whole adult life. Those 15 extra pounds have always been there. Which now that I am older, I am ok with that! But I am terrified that if my body isn’t in it’s best shape before getting pregnant that my body is going to be destroyed after kids. I am always reminded that “children are so worth it” but that is hard for someone who doesn’t have kids to swallow and believe.
Matt and I are on the same page about having kids. We want them, we want them sooner rather than later but we have to be ready! I know that we will be great parents but I want to be a great parent on my own time. I want to give my children 100%. These last few months we both have felt more and more ready but there are a few things we have to accomplish before having kids. 2019 or 2020, children will enter our lives! We will be excited and scared but for the time being we are going to be selfishly focused on ourselves.