We all love our friends and families. To have an empowering tribe around you is amazing and should never be taken for granted. Often times we feel so grateful to these people that we stretch ourselves thin trying to show up to all the various different events and truly be there for them.
But what happens when giving all this love starts to make you feel drained?
We’ll tell you what needs to happen – a self-care check!
Self-care starts with boundaries. Understanding your needs and giving yourself the respect to create specific disciplines that allow you to let your best self shine is crucial.
There’s a fine balance between gratitude and servitude. Gratitude is being grateful for all of the goodness you have in your life. It’s always important to take the time to express gratitude. Servitude, however, is being subject to something you perceive as more powerful. This perceived power can come in the shape of a person but it can also be an event or a standard that you’re trying to live up to.
There’s a fine line between gratitude and servitude and when we let ourselves fall into servitude, we often feel drained in the process.
How do you express gratitude without draining yourself?
How To Create Balance and Boundaries
It’s so important to be conscious of the moments where you begin to feel drained or anxious. These moments are your body’s way of telling you that you need to get out. Your body has gone into flight mode and is sending you signals. Listen to them.
In these moments, you need to step back and do something for yourself (i.e. take a walk, read a book, meditate). You need to harmonize your mind/body connection in that moment. If you don’t, that anxiety could spiral and you may end up resenting the people that you’ve just tried your best to show up for.
Realistically, your feelings have nothing to do with them. They’re your own to care for and manage.
Differentiate Between Wants & Needs
Some of our best relationships require boundaries to flourish. We all want to spend as much time as possible with the people we love, but some friendships actually need the opposite.
This is when it’s very important to differentiate between someone’s wants and someone’s needs. People’s wants can be impulsive and emotionally driven. Their needs, however, begin at their core and are much more authentic. We’ll always have people calling and messaging us with what they want. Trying to constantly cater to this will drain you and won’t actually impact your friends/family positively.
However, recognizing what someone needs and catering to that will have a huge impact on them and may even positively alter their state of being in that moment. For example, the other evening I canceled on going to yoga with a close girlfriend. Instead, I opted for staying in and having a cozy night to myself. I told her that I had a really stressful day at work and all I wanted was a night-in to myself. Her response? She showed up at my apartment with a yoga mat and her car, ready to drive us both there. That yoga class made my whole night better. She recognized my need and catered to it in a way that benefited both of us.
Another example is when you’re trying to console someone over a breakup or relationship issue. As friends, we often feel like showing support means rallying behind their emotions and getting them even more fired up over what their significant other did or didn’t do. Lighting this fire under them actually doesn’t do anyone any good.
Instead of just hearing them, we’ve now made them more upset and possibly even made the problem worse. We catered to their want in the moment by gossiping with them but we failed to recognize their need to just have someone listen and understand. Always strive to recognize a want over a need and your friendships will be more healthy and powerful.
No is a full sentence
When you creating boundaries you don’t have to explain it. No is a full sentence.
Are you just simply having one of those days where you can’t deal with anyone? That’s okay, limit your plans. You’re not going to show up as your most energized self anyways so you won’t be doing anyone any favors by going.
In these moments, if you’ve already done a self-care check and you’re still feeling like being alone, cancel your plans and reschedule for another day. Everyone needs this sometimes.
The key is to understand your balance around it. No one likes a friend who always cancels so recognize how many plans are the right amount for you and which plans actually make you feel happy and empowered. Commit only to those plans and say no to the rest. Those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter!
Living your best life requires boundaries and balance. So go on, create your own little BnBs and watch yourself shine through them!
Lifestyle blogger focused on health and wellness. I’m committed to helping women discover their best selves through daily gut checks in the form of trusting their own intuition in order to cultivate inner empowerment. I am obsessed with finding healthy hacks to everyday comfort foods – especially desserts and am a strong believer that good health comes through gut health. The intuitive gut checks and the obsession with gut health led me to create – Girl Gut (www.thegirlgut.com). A holistic approach to gut health – internally and externally.